The Past Present

take me back to the terrace –
when the summer moon was full
and the breeze was fresh

when hate was around but not noticed
when media wasn’t notorious
and blood wasn’t shed

when a garden walk was enough to wipe away traces of melancholia
when the feeling of love wasn’t conveyed to the beloved

when late night conversations brought ecstasy
when eyes weren’t tired, and honesty didn’t die

when ice cream stalls were the focal point
and there was enough time to relax

when the mind was a temple of pure thoughts
when the heart was anxious but not afraid

when the rain was felt and not ignored
when you were there to keep me whole

when sleep was enjoyed, and dreams were made
when light was within and we didn’t fade

there are so many underlying emotions present in this piece. so many things going on in the world, so much to grasp, so much to let go.
this is a tribute to the forgotten self, the more pure self which is obviously lost and gone. it once existed, maybe it still does but the want and desires wouldn’t let you go back to it. your thoughts are decent, sometimes violent, sometimes misleading. you cannot connect the dots, even if you try to – there’s much at stake.
are we growing up or are we going down?
so much frustration, so many thoughts. and now all you want to do is allow the storm to destroy you from within while you stay quiet. unable to sleep, yet waking up everyday to be lost.
that is all. rest well.

Moniba (Et Cetera)

he wrote a novel on the unfathomable tale
of borders and guns, of smiles and veil
when the moon was full and stars were bright
hazy way ahead and distance infinite
when holding on wasn’t enough for sure
but carrying on was the only cure
and the majestic writer wrote from far ashore
for this was neither fiction nor folklore

and he wanted someone to take this part
so he asked me to play this role with all my heart
from ups and downs and togetherness since may
i have lived it all at once to make her stay
and as she agreed for this bond to grow
we tied the knot to go with the flow

she’s the one who returns to the good to be as bright as a star
and i’m from somewhere else but not too far

It’s been about 7 years since I know Moniba – now.
I met her online on Hello Poetry (a poetry sharing website) back in May 2014 and there was an instant connection. Back in the day, I would’ve never accepted a proposal from Pakistan because they’re our (India) enemies. And now, I’m married to Moniba – the most beautiful girl ever in this whole wide world. No matter the roadblocks, the endless issues and what not, I’m so much grateful to God for giving me this unreal opportunity to spend my life with her.
And in the end what matters is love and the undying intent. There’s enough hate in this world already.
I cannot imagine my life without her anyway. I’m so much thankful to Eliot York and team for creating Hello Poetry. It’s an exceptional platform to put forward your thoughts and appreciate the lovely work of  the community. There’s no way I’m going to call this or any creative website as a dating platform, but if you feel a strange, love like connect with someone, then go ahead. Life’s too short to keep regrets.
And God’s there to help you through if you’re honest.
Thanks for reading. Keep loving & keep writing.


I Remember You

a feeling shivers down my idle body
and eyes begin to narrow as my hand goes to my chin
i don’t know why but i’m quite certain that you saw my pictures on social media
a picture of my little adventure
a picture of my smile
a picture with my loved ones and many more

you must’ve curiously looked at all of them
only to end up being sad
to think of me being in a forever happy state
and lose a piece of yourself yet again
to drift away into numbness by overthinking
and question yourself and the past
to let out unending tears from your eyes
till you can no longer think of us together
and to cry further at the reality of your life
while you continue to be in disbelief
and ask yourself repeatedly, ‘how can he move on without me?’

to that i’ll maybe answer to you in my thoughts
or to this shivering feeling
we can no longer be together
but i know your worth and i understand what i’ve lost
the pictures can never define what’s in my heart
only this quietude can
yes, we parted ways years ago
but i’ve cherished all those moments with you
so please know that i remember you, in this very moment
i just remember you and nothing else
i remember you
i remember you
you never wanted to be a memory
but now you are
a very fond one…

Sentiments of A Poet

How does the intensity increase?
What ignites a poet to create a mesmerizing masterpiece?

Is it a vacant room full of pills or a view capturing the hills?
The sweetness of a romantic piano tune or the sublte warmth of the winter afternoon?
A continuous week of self sacrifice or someone’s beautiful face to fantasize?
Some old notes written on the last page or a broken mic with no stage?
The poignant sound of falling rain or the comfort of soothing pain?
A lover to cherish for life or a combination of wrist and knife?
The widespread stars and moon hanging in the sky or a sudden, unacceptable last goodbye?
The rush of waves touching the feet or something that is completely obsolete?
One sharp word to pierce the heart or a spellbinding work of art?
A day’s stay in the city of the special one who left or that unfathomable heaviness inside the chest?

The pleading and begging to make someone stay or the immediate desire to pray?

The first and last deep dive into a pair of eyes or a pointless life with no sunrise?

The words that come out are carefully filtered
They stick to the theme, and fail to display the stories within a story
The reader reads the poem, and not the poet’s infamous glory

When the poem loses its charm to fade away
Another thought invites the poet

And the sentiments of a poet can never be wrong
Only to the poet they belong
And they prolong, to go on and on..

Songs I go back to always – My Thoughts

I truly believe that music is the backbone of a song, so I value music more than lyrics.

I will give you a brief insight to my musical journey and then start with my song recommendation. I love recommending songs!

The Start –

Back in the day – just like most Indian teenagers I started listening to Hindi movie songs, Hindi songs were great back then. A good Hindi song is hard to find these days!

Early Teenage Days –

I got introduced to Green Day during my high school days, thanks to the UEFA Champions League 2008/09 feature song – Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Green Day instantly became my first favorite band and then I heard a lot of Eminem (I sometimes still do), Linkin Park, Switchfoot, Poets of the Fall etc.

Transitioning to Maturity –

Porcupine Tree is that one band which quickly replaced all other artists/bands. Why? Because they’re so melancholic. I got addicted to their music, I felt their music pushed the best poetry out of my soul. And just like that my moongazing-stargazing sessions started, I wasn’t afraid of going up to the terrace at night and also started admiring the beauty of night. Sadly, the band broke up in 2009… I’m wondering why I called myself mature up there.

Anyway, without further ado, here are some songs from the past I still prefer to listen.

  • Half Light by Porcupine Tree

Why you should listen to this – This song is simply unearthly. The music is fantastic, and the lyrics are spot on. If you’ve lost someone, then this song is for you.

Best Time to ListenAnytime at night

  • Lazarus by Porcupine Tree

Why you should listen to this – Because it’s very simple and such a joyful song. Again, Porcupine Tree’s music is out of this world, and the lyrics are great. If you want some positive vibes, then this song is for you.

Best Time to Listen – Anytime at night during winters I guess

  • Heartattack in a Layby by Porcupine

Why you should listen to this – I really don’t want any of you to be sad but this is a great breakup song. For sure you can see my love for Porcupine Tree, the first time I heard this song – I got goosebumps and I played it on repeat for several days. If you’ve had a breakup, please proceed with caution and take care.

Best Time to Listen – Anytime (a broken heart is always lost)

  • Trains by Porcupine Tree

Why you should listen to this – This is a great summer song with awesome music. I’m still trying to figure out the meaning of the song’s lyric, but you can give this one a try and feel the summer vibe.

Best Time to Listen – Anytime at night during summers

  • Fadeaway by Porcupine Tree

Why you should listen to this – Okay so I don’t smoke or drink, but this is for those who stay high. The music is trippy, and the lyrics are fine too. Try not to intoxicate yourself.

Best Time to Listen – Anytime when you’re not planning to be high

  • Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie

Why you should listen to this – This song isn’t too special for me anymore but it’s still great and has decent music and lyrics. If you need someone very close right now, then this song is for you.

Best Time to Listen – Anytime at night

  • Love of My Life by Queen

Why you should listen to this – Who doesn’t want to listen to Freddie Mercury? If you haven’t heard this man, you’re in for a treat now. Freddie wrote this song for Mary Austin – the lady love of his life. Although he was gay (I’ve no issues with anyone who’s Homosexual) and died of AIDS in 1991 but I respect him coz he left his entire mansion for Mary Austin and her family.

The song is beautiful and so is her majesty – Queen.

Best Time to Listen – Anytime

  • Bewajah, produced by Coke Studio

Why you should listen to this – This is a desi song for anyone who understands Urdu/Hindi. A great song which brings back memories of your past lover. Lyrics are well crafted and music too is decent.

Best Time to Listen – Anytime

And that’s it for now! Thanks for reading and listening to all these.

Please let me know what you think about them and feel free to suggest your favorite songs. Enjoy!

6 Years on WordPress – My Thoughts

When the heart of someone’s ambition takes them far to make them live their dream, the same time the faith of someone else’s ambition will be at its lowest and yearn for that little tick. It’ll question its desire, lock itself in a black sphere, insanely smile at the failed attempts, and wonder about the existence of God.

And when this broken ambition witnesses the pinnacle of success, the same time someone else’s ambition will struggle to survive.

It’s all about the deep hopelessness, those never meant to be give ups, the partial breakdowns, time, and patience. It’ll all flow.

Today on my 6th anniversary with WordPress, I’d like to request everyone to always believe and fight for their dreams. Also, write poetry along the way.

Thank you all for this amazing experience, I’m ever so grateful for this.

And if you ever feel lonely, remember these lines from my favorite football club – Liverpool FC


The Point

there is always a point
somewhere in the past
that remains static

it calls out to you and me
somewhere from within
in ways we can never decipher

it pleads us to return to it
sometime soon
so it can calm down

and we both answer its call
to relive all our memories again

carrying a present, a future in mind
and a well preserved past

we meet the point
but we never meet

sometimes i call out to you
from the past, hypnotized in the present, with no future

but we never meet
there’s a point within the point..

and that point is a forgotten name in your life.

Meeting Moniba – Part 1

I’m taking a break from posting poetry on this blog, but I’m going to tell you all how I fell in love and got married to the love of my life – Moniba Mehboob. The journey is a roller coaster ride!

I hope you enjoy reading this!

Part 1 – Hello Poetry (Conversation between hamid khan & Moniba Mehboob – et cetera)

It was 15th May 2014 when I sent a message to a poetess on ‘Hello Poetry’. It was just a simple message, but the message wasn’t really a ‘conversation beginner’ type. You don’t usually expect a response from a girl, that too from a stranger. But I got a response from her the next day, her message was quite pleasant, and I guess I responded back with something to keep the conversation go on for a while. That was the start.

Then soon I lost interest because typing isn’t my ‘thing’, so I replied with ‘Hmm’ or ‘Okay’ etc. Interestingly, she even responded to that, it was strange. Felt like we switched genders. You know we are judgmental in some way or the other, so I thought this girl is fat or someone who isn’t attractive or someone who’s just crazy or desperate. Why would she always respond to my close ended messages, no one does that! Also, at one point I thought it was a guy. However, her messages always made me smile.

But her poetry was always terrific, I genuinely felt every word. It was too good, and it inspired me to keep writing. I was and still am a pathetic writer anyway.

So, our conversation grew, and we talked about poetry and our interests of train travel, moon-gazing, spending time in a forest at night, walking on railway tracks, my love for solitude and much more. Sometimes the conversation was so fresh, it felt like I was living a dream with this person I haven’t seen. When you get emotionally involved in a conversation you tend to say sweet things. I knew she wouldn’t mind because the conversation was completely clean. I just praised her, you know what I mean. The conversations used to go on till late night till we were both exhausted.

You are going to wonder how we both managed this? I was doing my 6-month long university internship and she had her exams, so she stayed up late. And she was quite good in studies, so she had plenty time to talk to me. I think I was in the 1st or 2nd month of the internship and I hardly went to the office. Also, I was a solitary person.

One day during our conversation, she said that I scare her! That she has raised her walls up high! That was a weird thing to say, I guess.

I think I had an idea what she meant but I pretended I had no clue, so I asked for an explanation. She didn’t explain and I was okay with it, because in my mind she’s… still fat? I don’t know. You can only have a profile and cover picture on Hello Poetry. She didn’t put up her photos there, she also said that she covers her head and does ‘Hijab’. Muslim women usually cover their head with a scarf to hide their hair and even their face at times, also wear a long dress called an ‘Abaya’. That is what Hijab means to me. And those women practice Hijab so that strange men don’t see them. Okay enough of explanation.

Also, she was in Karachi, Pakistan and I was in Delhi, India. She thought I was a spy, I thought she was a spy. Anyway.

So sometime in June 2014 she said, ‘you scare me because you’re the type of guy I could fall hard for’. That was the point which made so happy because a girl proposed first. Is she fat? I didn’t care at that moment, I was just very happy. And then after a few days I asked her if she is fat, or ugly looking or a guy or even a spy or a robot. She didn’t clarify, but I was okay because I really started liking her – the way she’d ramble, tell me different stories, even had an old Nokia phone and wrote handwritten letters! Who does that?

That was a lovely time, but we were too immature as well. A Pakistani girl in love with an Indian boy, how is that going to work? So, to keep ourselves in the reality we often spoke about her getting married to someone there and then we meet at a foreign location etc. Just the way it happens in Bollywood movies. But we even kept the dream sequence clean, we had no other option. Talking to her did soothe my soul but I was also hurt somewhere that she was going to be just another chapter in my life. We both decided to just speak about abstract things, our daily routine and agreed that we’ll speak and be together till the time comes for one of us to leave. It was unsettling but it was the only way to continue.

Our conversation then shifted to Facebook. I’ll post a part 2 soon when I’ve sometime.

I’ll also take a moment here to clarify that now I am mature enough to respect people of different color, size, religion and what not. I sincerely apologize if I’ve hurt anybody’s sentiments through this post.

Logical Decode

spread out wide in the sky
and merrily out of tune
your thoughts diverge toward the stars
only to converge at the moon

what is it that keeps you awake at night
but doesn’t make you feel?
if time tells you its story
why doesn’t it help you heal?

dark inside the attic
and numb to the core
your soul travels along with the waves
only to collapse at the shore

what is it that detaches you from your senses
but has no credible element?
is your loneliness significantly responsive
or is it just irrelevant?

sometimes you may get confused between being solitary and being lonely.
the road is all yours to choose.

Freddie Mercury

fell asleep with open eyes
alcoholic inhale and bohemian sighs
flat on floor, grey in size
rock ‘n roll and private life

deep in sense and loud periphery
clothed in mess and burberry
second to none, never tertiary
his majesty – freddie mercury!

On a sidenote – how times change and you move away from punk rock to a bit of ‘operatic-mellow’ genre, you stay there a while and then the opera paves way for a complex musical voyage which can’t be contained in a genre.
that’s how i can describe the change in my musical taste – starting with green day, linkin park to queen, pink floyd, led zeppelin, guns n roses to porcupine tree, pineapple thief..
life goes on but it pauses a few songs from the past. they play in your head after ages when you least expect them to, and those songs in their digital being replace the current moment with frames of the past.
that’s when you thank these legends for the purest nostalgia..

I’m still choosing the best between Freddie Mercury and Steven Wilson.